Ever been shocked when someone has said no to you?
Over the last few weeks I have shocked several people by saying ‘no’ to situations that I normally would have said nothing about or carried on with reluctantly. The situations have always been where something in my mind, heart and/or body has not felt, sounded or looked right.
I know that people have been shocked because they have told me. They have expressed shock that I am not being my “normal” all encompassing “I’ll do it all” self. They have told me that they expected me say yes because I “would have normally said yes to that’; they have assumed that I would have given them more time, more leeway, more guidance, more rope, more, more… They have expressed sadness that my behaviour has not been as “nurturing” as they have expected from someone who runs a business called The Nurturing Journey.
I’m writing this post to celebrate the clarity that I have about when to say no. I am celebrating my realization that in order to live a life that feels like a yes in my body, sounds like a yes in my heart and looks like a yes in my mind I sometimes have to say no. When I say no it means I’m saying no with the intention of nurturing others and myself.
Nurturing doesn’t mean molly coddling or being a doormat for others. My definition of nurturing is to help (something or someone) to grow, develop, or succeed and that can be through saying yes to something or no depending on what is the right action to take. For me it means being in integrity, acting authentically and having clear boundaries that you are willing to expand or uphold as necessary.
I believe that life is a series of nurturing journeys with inevitable ups, downs, transitions, endings and new beginnings. I also feel that when we step fully into our bodies, listen to the call of our heart, have clarity of mind and connect to our soul that we can find ways to navigate the Nurturing Journey of our life in all it’s twists and turns.
This is why I call my sacred business The Nurturing Journey. I’m no longer rescuing people or nurturing people in the old smothering ways that encourage dependency. I’m helping people to grow their own internal support and connection to Spirit so that they can shine their own unique light in the world. I can walk alongside you for a while on your Nurturing Journey and sometimes that means saying “No, I’m not willing to do that”. I also encourage you to do the same when you are walking The Nurturing Journey with me.
I believe that the most compassionate, loving thing you can do for the world is be fully you. When you’re being truly you by looking after your body, listening to your heart and watching your mind you can connect to Spirit - the unconditional source of love and abundance that flows through you. You can then choose to give and act from that place generously knowing that this is the right action for you to take right now. This sometimes means doing less, letting go of things that are no longer in alignment and saying no. When you truly do this you can be grateful for all that you have, give and be of service.
So if I say no to you, know that it’s for a bigger, higher purpose and I hope you’ll not be shocked by it. If you say no to me because something doesn’t have integrity for you I will honour and accept it in the same way.