In 2000, I was working in a Local Authority, earning good money, and on track to be a Council Chief Executive within 5 years. I was practicing and training in yoga, as an escape from the mundaneness and stress, when I had a realization that something wasn’t right. I had irregular, heavy, and painful periods. I was bloated, snappy and unhappy for half of the month, and knew I had to do something. For years, I was able to manage how I was feeling. I made progress by giving up my regular job and training to be a yoga teacher, NLP Practitioner, Reiki Practitioner, and more. (It’s a huge list).I changed what I ate, and I took initiations and trainings galore. Many of these trainings and practices worked, yet at some level I still didn’t feel whole and complete as a woman.
At this time, I was guided by various teachers, all of them male, on how to make personal and spiritual progress. They all advised me to look within. I’m incredibly grateful for that advice because this is what I did. I looked at my life in all its aspects.I committed to thousands of hours of yoga practice, teaching, and meditation. I reviewed my partnership with my now husband, and I looked at my relationships with my family and friends. I transformed what I was doing with my work, and started going for my dreams.I met some amazing people. I grew my wellbeing business, and also supported my husband in growing our family business.
Then I got pregnant. It was a year where all of the women of childbearing age in my family fell pregnant. My father said something very telling, “at last you’ll be a woman now”. It was as though the route of mother was the only valid way to be a woman. I felt somewhat aggrieved by this. I wasn’t even trying to get pregnant. Then I had a miscarriage. As a result of the scans, I discovered that I had fibroids. It was clear that I was completely detached from my feminine body, its creativity, and potential. I met my maternal needs by training in pregnancy yoga, and by teaching hundreds of women to nurture their unborn babies and themselves, during pregnancy and labour. I tried conventional and unconventional methods to reduce the fibroids. I took medicinal herbs, had Mayan abdominal massages, and further refined my food and exercise. I even had a uterine embolisation to shrink them. (It didn’t work and it was a painful and damaging decision for me).
I became a-symptomatic – no pain, discomfort, or heavy periods, but despite all of the work the fibroids kept growing. They grew to the size of a 24 week gestation womb – 3 large grapefruits and small pineapple. I remembered that what I needed to do was go inside of myself. So I did. I wrote in my journal, I meditated, and I prayed. The message that I received was that my fibroids were my womb telling me about my unfulfilled creative potential, and I needed to step into my truth. I decided to have deeply healing surgery where I’d keep my womb, but have my fibroids removed and acknowledge the gift that they had bought me.
I renewed my commitment to fulfilling my potential. Yet, I still didn’t feel whole. I took myself on a fertility journey in a quest to get pregnant, and become a woman in the eyes of my family. I had 4 rounds of IVF before I realised that I could be a woman without being a physical mother. I knew I had to recognise the validity of the parts of me that meant I could be a multifaceted woman in my own right, on my own terms, mother or not. Although I knew it, I didn’t know how to do it. I remembered again that all I needed to do was take time to go inside to connect with my inner wisdom.
And I did.
This time, I took a sabbatical with my husband in Barbados. A period of deep reflection, relaxation, and discovery. I did The Artist Way – a 12 step process for discovering and recovering your creative self. I uncovered my creative potential. I practiced daily mantra, yoga, affirmations, and journaling to take me deep within. I made the commitment to be fearless in the realization of my authentic self. Then I had a breakthrough, a breakdown, a healing transformation, or enlightenment experience. (It doesn’t matter what you call it). I had an irrefutable, unforgettable experience of being one with everything, of being part of the divine feminine and masculine, of being whole – ONE. It was the most scary, joyful, and expansive experience of my life. I knew that I needed to live my life in a way that could connect the divine feminine and masculine within me in a permanent way. So, I sought out female guidance and support as a balance to the masculine paradigm that I had been living in.
I started teaching yoga from a nurturing, loving perspective that blended the masculine and feminine aspects. I re-read “Women Who Run with the Wolves”, and all of the new and old classics. I sought out female company. I made friends with women who had been on a journey of discovering their sacred femininity of becoming whole. I practiced and discovered sacred sexuality with Tantric approaches and Taoist practices, including the Jade Egg. During that time I fell back into the trap of needing to be a superhero - The Nurturer.
I found myself repeating old patterns of trying to save and mother others all of the time. I needed to find a path that would remind me that the mother archetype was a valuable aspect, but not the only way to be a woman. That was when I came across Miranda’s work with Red Moon and The Optimised woman. In these books, Miranda opened up the possibility that I could live my life as a multifaceted woman. I could integrate and work with the four phases of energy that I felt - the Reflective, Dynamic, Expressive and Creative, in powerful and useful ways. I recognised that I had the four archetypes of woman within me – the Maiden, Mother, Enchantress, and Crone. I could use these archetypes to live a whole, complete, and fulfilled life that celebrated all of me.
Through this work, I have discovered a gentle path for integrating my feminine energies, completing the healing of my body, and have now trained to support other women to do the same.Over the last 2 years, I have stepped into a whole new way of being me, of nurturing myself to wholeness. I gained the courage to set up my retreat space in Barbados, and I have made radical changes in the way that I live and work. My work and home life are now set up in a way that honours the wisdom of my womb, and works with the power of my female energy cycles.I’ve practiced and experimented with various paths over the last 15 years, but I have found the Womb Blessing path with Miranda Gray to be one of the most universal and open paths for me to connect to the sacred feminine power within me. Women around the world are reconnecting with the power of their feminine energies. I know that this work can help, and I want to share this work with more women as an act of gratitude and appreciation for all that it has done for me
Throughout my own journey, I have practiced techniques and carried out training to heal myself and my womb, and reclaim the power of my female energy cycles. One of the training paths that I have carried out was Womb Blessing Training with Miranda Gray, Author and Founder of The World Wide Womb Blessing, to become a Moon Mother. Since then I have deepened my understanding and learning and have become an Advanced Moon Mother. As an Advanced Moon Mother, I have been asked many questions about this type of work and the training. I have created this talk so that you have a clear idea of the support and training available on this Womb Blessing path.
This blog is purely my own experience of energy cycles, and following the Womb Blessing and Moon Mother path. It is not intended to teach you practices or techniques, but to be used as an informational tool to find out more…
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you:
- Want to learn how to connect to their feminine nature and female energy cycles in a practical way
- Want support with the healing of their womb (whether you have a physical womb or not) from pain, disease, chronic conditions, post-operative disconnection, and negative association
- Are drawn to the work of Monica Douglas-Clark, Miranda Gray, The Worldwide Womb Blessing and/or Moon Mothers
- Are considering attending Red Moon and/or Womb Blessing Training to become initiated as a Moon Mother
- Want to know more about what it means to be a Moon Mother or an Advanced Moon Mother
- Want to clarify how to learn more about this Womb Blessing path
- Be completely new to this type of work
- Have participated in the World Wide Womb Blessing or been to a Red Tent or Women’s Gathering
- Have read “Red Moon” or “The Optimized Woman” and feel the need to put this knowledge of your cycle into practice
- Be experienced in this work already through working with women with their menstrual cycles, pregnancy, menopause, and/or fertility
- Feel drawn to be part of this global movement, dedicated to serving women all over the world to heal their wombs, be whole, and happy
“I feel that we, women, are being called to reclaim our sacred female power, our feminine energies and cyclical nature. I know from my story that we need help and support to do it. “
- Monica Douglas-Clark